When I think about what has been MOST helpful
to couples in and mostly OUT of my office – these come
to mind.
Gratitude meditation
6 sec. hugs
Eye contact
Asking what they need
Here are the four in detail
- Gratitude meditation, means you take the time early in the day to generally be grateful and focus on some good thing about the relationship and/or your partner. Writing it down in a journal? Yes, that is a great way to solidify the thought. TONS of research supports this activity.
- 6 sec. hugs – The Gottman method suggests a six second kiss. Aim for at least 3 seconds in a nice tight hug at greetings and partings and whenever one or the other reaches out for one. Even if you have to pull them off the couch – do it.
- Eye contact – end the hug with some potent close eye contact that speaks from the heart – the eyes are the vehicle of attachment and long looks can help most people feel connected.
- Asking what they need – “Is there anything you need from me today?” then do it if you can or say you will think about it at least
Why not try giving your relationship a strong dose starting today? Remember! Yes, a habit takes weeks of devotion to make it strong. You can help it along by keeping track and reward each other for taking this turn toward more love and devotion. Yes, it does help when a therapist is keeping you both accountable – so consider couples therapy.
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I can think of so many things I wish I had NOT said or did, and other things I wished I HAD said or done. And it is harder when the person who we said/did it to is no longer with us to apologize to. Going forward maybe we can be more understanding when someone says/does something to us that does not sit right….maybe they regretted it right away too.