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Margaret Ann Dixon, PhD

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May 13, 2021 by Margaret Leave a Comment

Seven reasons many seek marriage counseling

Marriage rates supposedly are on the decline. While it’s an oft-repeated statistic that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, that number has remained unchanged for the past 30 years. Divorce rates also vary with the partners’ level of education, religious beliefs, and many other factors.

But when divorce does happen, it results in difficulties for adults as well as children. For adults, divorce can be one of life’s most stressful life events. The decision to divorce often is met with ambivalence and uncertainty about the future. If children are involved, they may experience negative effects such as denial, feelings of abandonment, anger, blame, guilt, preoccupation with reconciliation, and acting out.

While divorce may be necessary and the healthiest choice for some, others may wish to try to salvage whatever is left of the union. When couples encounter problems or issues, they may wonder when it is appropriate to seek marriage counseling. Here are seven good reasons.

  1. Communication has become negative.

When communication has deteriorated, it can be nearly impossible to move in the right direction without guidance.  Counterproductive, negative communication can include anything that leaves one partner feeling depressed, insecure, disregarded, or wanting to withdraw from the conversation. Often it is the tone, volume and speed of the voices as one or both try to voice their opinion.  With escalation, there are not only hurt feelings, but it can devolve into emotional or even physical abuse.  “You never listen!” and such statements replaced with I statements open the door to better communication; “I need to talk about something.”  This is just a start.  Counseling can be almost like referring and coaching, as I model tone, nonverbal and phrases and it really does help couples learn best.

  1. When there was an affair.

Recovering from an affair is possible, and it takes more than just work. It takes commitment and a willingness to forgive and move forward. There is no magic formula but there are structures that I use in session that help a couple recover and grow after an affair. Sometimes, it might end up that it is healthier for both individuals to move on.

  1. When the couple seems to be “just occupying the same space.”

When couples become more like roommates than a married couple, this may indicate a need for counseling. This does not mean if the couple isn’t doing everything together they are in trouble. If there is a lack of communication, conversation and intimacy or any other elements the couple feels are important and they feel they just “co-exist,” this may be an indication that a skilled clinician can help sort out what is missing and how to get it back with new rituals, routines or perhaps the need to process some hidden hurts.

  1. When the partners do not know how to resolve their differences.

When a couple is stuck and they even agree on the problem, sometimes a skilled clinician is needed to get them moving in the right direction.  There is so much good research to support the steps toward a more loving and healthy union and a couple might have read the books, tried on their own, but I find I can help them be accountable to each other so that they are more likely to do the home work required to really make progress.

  1. When one partner begins to act out on negative feelings.

Negative feelings such as resentment or disappointment can turn into hurtful, even harmful acting out, tantrums and down-right cruelty. A skilled clinician can help the couple sort out negative feelings and find better ways to express them.

  1. When the only resolution appears to be separation.

When a couple disagrees or argues, a break from each other can be helpful. However, when a timeout turns into an overnight stay away from home or eventually leads to a temporary separation, this may indicate a need for counseling. Spending time away from home does not usually resolve the situation. Instead, it reinforces the thought that time away is helpful, often leading to more absences. When the absent partner returns, the problem may still be there.  I have helped couples devise a plan for an informal separation by first completing individual templates in my secure portal and then discussing in session.  Part of the deal is ongoing individual and couple work, which may include counseling.

  1. When a couple is staying together for the sake of the children.

Research indicates children from friendly divorces fare better than those in caustic marriages. Children are generally very intuitive and intelligent. No matter how couples may think they are able to fake their happiness, most children are able to tell.

All marriages in trouble are worth the effort but some will end in separation or divorce. Whatever the outcome, each individual can learn new skills and engage in self-discovery that can last a life-time.

Reach out to me for help and start with my half hour consultation to find out more and meet me in person, soon.  Then you can think about it, talk about it and decide how best to proceed.  I usually recommend doing the Gottman check-up and starting with a 2 or 3 hour long session and, YES, I work weekends and evenings!

Filed Under: Couples/Marriage

April 30, 2021 by Margaret Leave a Comment

Answer to Assert Yourself over Addiction

Times are painfully tough for many these days.  Struggling in times of high stress may lead to substance use in an attempt to combat the loneliness, anxiety, or depression. However, it is a losing battle.

We are social beings and now with so little opportunity to commune with others, be part of a large group and hug our friends, it is tempting to look to unhealthy escapes. New habits may have formed that need attention.  It seems daunting and scary but we really can reach out for comfort and help and make new healthy habits and when we fail, learn from it and start again. Are you wondering if you might have a problem?

Asking some hard questions like these can be a first step.

  • Do I look forward to drinking or using drugs almost hourly
  • Have others commented on my use?
  • Am I using more than before?
  • Am I hiding my use and using alone?

Maybe this is you right now:
Yes, I feel like I really should cut back or stop, but I am at a loss!  I have tried but I seem to be my worst enemy, making excuses, telling myself ‘next time,’ or ‘tomorrow,’ and here I am fighting this crazy, losing battle.

Assert yourself.  Take charge of your life.  Inspired in this moment?  Grab on to that feeling, no matter how fleeting.  Help can come from many places and one avenue is seeking a therapist that can help find the root cause, teach coping skills and provide a safe place with no judgment to unload. 

Take a step forward for your health and happiness. Write or call now. Be brave.

You can contact me or another therapist near you, today. 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

April 24, 2021 by Margaret Ann Dixon Leave a Comment

4 Things to Ask a Therapist Before Starting Therapy

Meeting with a therapist for the first time can feel frightening and overwhelming. But there are ways to make starting counseling less intimidating. One of those ways is to make sure you’ve chosen a therapist who will be a good fit for you.

Before committing to a regular schedule with a therapist, there are 4 questions you should know the answers to. These questions can typically be answered in an initial phone or in-person consultation with your potential therapist.

Hope Island
A happy place envisioned by EMDR therapy group participant with Margaret Dixon, Ph.D.
  1. What Type of Therapy Do You Offer?

Most therapists specialize in a particular kind of therapy such as CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), Gestalt, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), Psychodynamic, or Family Systems. Each of these schools of thought will inform how that therapist works; how they personally believe change and growth occur.

For example, in my practice I depend on my training in EMDR since I find it to move patients forward to process difficult root causes of anxiety and other symptoms.  I have used EMDR in a group setting for research and hope to engage in that free public service after COVID and our lives open up for such activities.  Couples therapy is my passion, as well.

It’s also important to understand how your therapist will work with you.. Will you be assigned homework? What will be expected of you? If you’re seeking therapy for a specific problem, inquire how they would approach it.  In my sessions, I ask you to bring a notebook or provide one and yes, there is homework individualized for you.

  1. Is Contact Allowed In-Between Sessions?

If it’s important to you to be able to call, email or text your therapist with questions or concerns in-between sessions, ask what their policy is. Some therapists may only allow contact in case of emergency. If this is the case, you’ll want to be sure to ask what constitutes an emergency.

Some therapists may read email messages or listen to voicemails but will not respond, while others will reply or call you back.  Understanding your potential therapist’s policy for contact between sessions is essential to ensure you are both a good fit for each other.

I use messaging in my secure portal and many of my patients write me frequently and I respond with helpful guidance.

  1. What Happens if You Have an Emergency?

Once you know what constitutes an emergency, you’ll want to know how they help you handle one. Some therapists will allow you to call them at home or at their office while others will use an answering service that will get a message to them. Still, others may ask you to all a crisis line or go to the hospital.

In my practice, I have developed individual plans for crisis, especially for those who have suicidal tendencies. Being able to contact me has averted suicidal actions, so I do encourage anyone to call me once they are actively in therapy with me.

  1. How Much Experience Do You Have Treating People Like Me?

You wouldn’t hire a hairdresser to fix your leaky faucet, so why hire a therapist who doesn’t have experience treating people with issues similar to yours. Therapists often specialize in specific areas and become experts on that particular treatment. Don’t be afraid to ask this question to ensure you’re getting the best therapist for your needs.

If they don’t specialize in what you’re looking for, ask if they have any references that do. Often, therapists will refer you out anyway, if they feel that a colleague would be a better fit for you.

Finding the right therapist for you may take some time, but the search will be worthwhile.

Ready to get to work?   

Take that first step and contact a therapist in your area!

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment and you are nearby, contact me today.  You may want to first read about EMDR and my other specialty – couples therapy – on my website.  I love working with couples in longer sessions, as the research suggests.

Filed Under: General

April 21, 2021 by Margaret Leave a Comment

Attacking Addictions with EMDR – 4 things leading to recovery

In my work with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), I have found addictions to be the most challenging.  Yet, I refuse to shrink from the challenge and instead provide a battle plan for healing.

Four things leading to recovery  (NOTE):

  • Notice 
  • Open up 
  • Trust
  • Emerge again

 

Addictions require more than just individual therapy, they often respond better to multiple attacks – joining a group such as AA is proven to help many.  Medically assisted programs give chemical help that can attack the brain’s demand and give a person a chance at a foothold on the way to recovery.  Family counsel and support, relationship and couple therapy and if needed rehab and detox – explore all the avenues, find your niche and stay on the attack with helpers that are on your side even when they feel like the enemy.

EMDR has a protocol for treating addictions that starts with the first experience with the addictive substance or activity. Addictions are resistant but there is hope for recovery and desensitizing, reprocessing and healing with EMDR helps.

NOTE – How do those 4 lead to recovery?

Notice:  when we notice what we are doing daily – keep track, write it down, use an app – we begin to gather the will to attack

Open up: in small ways or big steps, we reach out for help, go to a meeting, call a therapist or program

Trust: minute to minute take trusting steps working the programs, following the battle plan and cracking open our hearts for help

Emerge again: faltering steps, big crashes, broken bridges may happen and the next step is one to emerge out of the despair and get back on the attack.

Take NOTE and follow these steps and contact me today.

Filed Under: EMDR

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