It seems to be a fact of my life that even as I grow a bit older and wiser…words I regret just slip out before its too late. I seem to be thoughtful and careful, in tune and attentive during therapy sessions as a psychologist. In meetings, I might get a little red-faced if I divulge too much or mispronounce a word that causes a few smiles and titters of laughter, as I recognize the error myself.
My biggest problem seems to be with those closest to me. With them, I feel loved and pre-forgiven, as if they would allow anything and still be there for me forever.
Maybe you don’t have people like that in your life and you still have my problem, but since I do have those people in my life, I can barely stand it when something hurtful or just over the top slips past my teeth and into the room. Often it is an impulse bred from a strong feeling and the spoken words are out before I can think of how to form the thought.
I did it again this week and I am still working to repair that relationship. I have said my sorry bit and I am reminded that I have done this before. Time is on my side…I think. I have repeated and summarized their view of the damage. I am diligently trying to do my part and hoping the positives in the relationship will come to their mind and be bigger than the slight that slipped out. Today I made a little reminder from the word repair.
Perhaps my endeavors here on my blog will help someone else. Plus, I am giving myself a consequence, making a public confession that I am far off from reaching the goal of perfection (right!). I am working on living in a value-driven life. If I truly hold helping others as a value, I better recognize my impulsivity and how it can harm others, if not myself.
So, from above…I can recognize my empathic position and arrest impulsivity to benefit repair of the relationship.
If you are on the path of life like me, consider this:
We therapists are on the same path and most times we are able to help you as much or more than we can help ourselves and those closest to us. Maybe therapy is partially effective because of the distance and neutrality, not just the training we have. In any case, if after reading this confessional, you want my professional help, please write or call me today.